Why?

A couple nights ago, I woke up hearing William cry, "Mommy!" Not wanting Sean to wake up, I rushed in the room to see my sad and sick boy awaiting for my arrival. He was standing in the corner of his crib with his arms outstretched ready for me to save him from his anguish. I immediately welcomed him in my arms and held him close. I couldn't cure him from his cough and cold, but I gave him some Tylenol to make him more comfortable and sang to him as he drifted off to sleep in my arms.

At this perfect moment I began pondering about life. My son sleeps in a dark room, in a crib, with the door shut, and across the hall from his parents. We can only hear him through the baby monitor, but he can't hear us. He can't see us. He can't feel us. However, he had faith we were there. He believed I would listen. And he knew I would come to comfort him when he called for me. Even though he couldn't see or hear me, he still asked for his "mommy." Then he acted on that faith as he stood in the corner of the crib with his arms outreached ready for me to hold him.  

It occurred to me that perhaps this is similar to the relationship we have with our Heavenly Parents. We can't see them, or hear them, and they are not physically with us on earth. But we can talk to them and we can cry out to them and they hear us. They love us so much. They can't take away the sickness or pain we feel, but they will dull the ache with their everlasting love. They can't stop our anguish, but they comfort us when we are in need of comfort. 

What if we ALWAYS had the faith like a child who KNOWS and trusts in his parents? How much more would we be comforted? What would we learn? How would we live? Now it makes sense to me why Jesus would ask us to become like a child. 

There is something that is very different between these comparisons. William sees his parents in the flesh. He feels our touch. He hears our words. We don't get that exact same luxury with our Heavenly Parents. We have to use more faith and patience.

Most of the time I find my faith like a broken record. I always keep going back to the basics. I believe in a God and in His son, Jesus Christ. I believe He died and lives for us that we may be saved and comforted throughout this ugly frail existence. But sometimes everything else skips and blurs. Doubts fill my head. Questions go unanswered. And the more I see our wicked world, it is hard for me to have that faith, like a child, in my Heavenly Parents. 

Perhaps the biggest question I find myself asking is, "why?!" 

"Why" is a word we learn very young to seek understanding and make sense of basically anything. I have a thousand questions I want answered. Many having to do with my beliefs in my church and the tragedies that happen in life. 

Perhaps the key to finding joy in life isn't to get an answer to every "why?"  

President Thomas S. Monson said something this last conference, 

"When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to ask the question “Why me?” At times there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, no sunrise to end the night’s darkness. We feel encompassed by the disappointment of shattered dreams and the despair of vanished hopes...We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We become impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required." (2013 October General Conference, “I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee”, Sun. Morning Session - By  Thomas S. Monson).

Perhaps the key IS having patience. Patience is defined in the English dictionary as, "the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset." 

In our day, people inconsiderately honk at the car in front because they aren't driving fast enough. People will go into debt because they just can't wait for the newest iPhone or other products.We have teenage and unwed pregnancy and abortions on the rise because pleasure was more important than patience. Children grow-up in broken homes with broken families because parents find something more important like a new fling or that rush from a shot of alcohol or another substance. People bustle about in their lives finding ways to save time, make things faster, or better, and it all stems from impatience. So it makes sense to me why God has become so unpopular. People ask, "why waste time on some old school philosophy?" Questions to God can't be typed in a google space with an immediate return of thousands of answers. God doesn't send personal emails or texts to each of us. There is nothing about a "speedy delivery" system when it comes to revelation. So the majority of the human race chooses google over God, and they claim they have all the answers they need. 

Joseph B. Wirthlin wrote similar thoughts in the year I was born, "A certain amount of impatience may be useful to stimulate and motivate us to action. However, I believe that a lack of patience is a major cause of the difficulties and unhappiness in the world today. Too often, we are impatient with ourselves, with our family members and friends, and even with the Lord. We seem to demand what we want right now, regardless of whether we have earned it, whether it would be good for us, or whether it is right. Some seek immediate gratification or numbing of every impulse by turning to alcohol and drugs, while others seek instant material wealth by questionable investments or by dishonesty, with little or no regard for the consequences. Perhaps the practice of patience is more difficult, yet more necessary, now than at any previous time."

(Patience, a Key to Happiness, April 1987) 

In the case of these impatient people who reject God, I ask "why"? Why do you do the things you do? What is your purpose here? Why are those extra five minutes on the freeway so important to you? What will happen to you after you die? Why do anything or become anyone if in the end you just become a pile of bones in a hole? Why? Why? Why?

We do not always need to know the answers NOW! There is wisdom that comes with patience and enduring. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than his. Either way we are questioning the reality of God’s omniscience” (Ensign, Oct. 1980, p. 28).

I can't answer all the "why's" that people ask me or that I ask myself. But patience is beautiful and in time I will know the truth of all things. 

I don't understand much of anything. But I do know that "why" does not always lead to peace and happiness. "Why" is a powerful word, and it should be used to build and improve our lives. It should not be used to break down and destroy patience. 

I know that I have Heavenly Parents that love me. They long to take away all my burdens just as I long to keep William pain-free. But I can not blame the "why's" of the world on Them because they are simply at a distance. With time and patience, I will receive one clear answer to my question, instead of having to sift through thousands of google answers. 

William won't remember the nights he called for his mommy and the tenderness and love I had for him. He won't remember being wrapped up, cuddled, and comforted. But it doesn't mean that it didn't happen. As he grows he will forget these moments and allow doubt to enter his world. He will begin to question the actions of his parents like so many teens do. He will begin to learn all the different theories of life and he will not remember that perfect moment that he slept safely in his mother's arms. 

There have been moments in my life when I have felt the same peace and comfort from my Heavenly Parents. I do not always remember them, but it doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It is foolish of me to forget those moments just because I have an empty answer to a "why."

Oh if I could always have the faith of a child who didn't doubt his Heavenly Parents. Who patiently awaits for the comfort they can and will bring in times of trial. If I had that faith and patience, I would find peace as my sweet William did in my arms. That night as my thoughts were coming to an end, William began smiling and laughing in his sleep. My sweet son was comforted in his parent's arms, and at that moment, so was I.