I feel like there is so much support and praise for women who are stay-at-home moms in our culture. This is a good thing and I agree that it is definitely ideal. But I feel like there isn't much support out there for Mormon women that work their butts off inside and outside of the home. In fact, sometimes I feel like women look down on me for the decisions my family have made.
I often get told, "being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job in the world, but also the most rewarding."
However, working as a mom can also be the hardest job in the world and the most rewarding.
I have heard statements about this topic from prophets, family, friends and other fellow coworkers. But tonight I want to write about how I feel about this subject. First let me write a little schedule of a typical regular week in my life.
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Saturday: Get up at 0445 after going to bed at late and leave for work at 0530. Work at the hospital from 0600-1830 (ish). Get home after 1900, eat, play with William, get him ready for bed...prepare my lesson for church while Sean gets some time to study.
Sunday: Actually get time as a family!
Monday: William wakes up around 0800. Laundry, cleaning (as much as possible with a toddler), pay bills and other normal stay-at-home mom responsibilities. Take a nap with William. Make dinner and get ready for work. Sean gets home from work, eats and then runs off to school. I take William to the babysitter at 1730. And work Till 0630 on Tuesday.
Tuesday: Get home around 0700. Sean goes to work, and I get William ready for the babysitter. She picks him up at 0800. I hopefully sleep until 1400. Laundry, dishes, William comes home and I spend as much time with him...until I leave for work again at 1730.
Wednesday: Come home from work at 0630. Stop by at the grocery store because we don't have anything to eat. Come home in time for Sean to go to work. Get William ready. Sleep 6 ish hours. Sean makes dinner and I'm off too work again at 1730.
Thursday: Get home around 0720. Send William off for a couple hours so I can get some sleep. Or I just keep him home all day without sleeping all night and take a short nap while he naps. I feel exhausted and groggy but I'm so entirely William and Sean deprived. Make dinner. Sean usually puts William to bed this day and I go to bed early.
Friday: Finally have all day with William. Play with him and/or go visit my sister/mom. Stay there till late so Sean can catch-up on studying. Come home around 2230 and go to bed or watch a late night move with Sean.
Saturday: Sean has a test and an assignment. Entertain William all day and clean, cook, laundry, catch up on other responsibilities. Go grocery shopping. By 2200 Sean is done with his school stuff. Get ready for Sunday.
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Some weeks I don't work hardly at all and others I work more. Sean works a full time job Mon-Fri 0730-1600 and goes to school at the U of U. We work and work, and we work hard. Often times I sacrifice sleep to be with William and I only get 3-4 hours. During days off, I love to take William to his cousins or go for walks with friends. I also just sit and hold him as much as he will let me. Sean is wonderful and helps out as much as possible with the cooking, cleaning, and William responsibilities.
Why? Why do we do this?
First I want to quote Elder Cook, "we should all be careful not to be judgmental or assume that sisters are less valiant if the decision is made to work outside the home. We rarely understand or fully appreciate people’s circumstances. Husbands and wives should prayerfully counsel together, understanding they are accountable to God for their decisions."
I also want to quote The Family: A Proclamation to the World, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation."
Sean and I have always wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom. This was always our goal and dream (and still is our goal and dream). While we waited for children, I worked as a nurse. We bought a cheap house in Glendale area of SLC. We got decent cars but together value less than $9,000. We thought we'd be ready for me to be a stay-at-home mom 3-4 years ago because Sean only had a year or two in school (or so we thought). We were excited to kick-start our life but on our journey we landed in some deep pot holes such as poor decisions, job loss, infertility, no insurance and also the huge discovery of Sean's ADHD which had profoundly affected his employment, finances, and school. Long story short, because of Sean's disability he still has 1-2 years left of school to get his Bachelor's degree. At this time he is unable to solely financially support our family.
In the meantime, life is hard. I absolutely hate sending William off to someone else to care for him (even though I absolutely LOVE his nanny). Sean and I have struggled and struggled with our circumstances. We want so badly for William to always be with his parents. I often feel down and depressed and feel like I'm a bad mother for working. Especially because in our culture a working mom seems to be condemned and judged as being selfish etc. Often times I cry while I'm away from William. I feel like a part of my heart is missing.
However, if we chose to make me a stay-at-home mom, we would have to give up our home, and live with parents to keep up with medical bills (we've paid off thousands and we still owe a ton more), school loans and other expenses. We would also have to rely on government aid.
We do have a choice, and the choice we have made is to be self-reliant. I do not say this to be judgmental towards families who do rely on others and government aid. We simply feel that we are supposed to stay in our home and continue to work toward our ultimate goal. We also feel that although we have had a lot of trials, Heavenly Father has supported us in so many ways. It was a complete tender mercy of how we found our nanny. It was truly orchestrated by a loving Heavenly Father who is blessing us for our hard work and pure desires.
Sean continues to work hard in school and he frequently applies to better jobs in hopes he can make more so I can work less. William is so spoiled with love. Sean and I are there for all of his perfect moments. We sit and watch him like he is a movie star. We feel so blessed to be sealed to him forever. He is our miracle and the love of our lives.
Above all of our hard work, we are truly a happy family. We have fun together laughing and playing, we support each other during tough times, and we love each other more profoundly than I ever thought imaginable. I am excited for the day when I get to be home with William 24/7, but for now we are enjoying our journey. We choose to be happy.
I am so happy to report that I get to go part-time at one of my jobs next month. I will be working less and I am so excited to have more time with William.
Thanks to everyone for your love and support and prayers on our behalf.
Love,
Anne and Sean
