I received a phone call at 0530 saying "don't come into work." There was last minute changes and they didn't need me for the day. I cheered and clapped and crawled back into bed.
In the mean while a man who had a warrant for arrest and no legal driver's license since 2005, decided it was a good idea to park his car on the emergency lane of the freeway. Sean was driving to work and pulled into the right lane to get off the exit. Suddenly a patch of slush manipulated his car toward the cement wall. Taping the breaks and steering the wheel, Sean finally gained control. However, by fate or destiny or by misfortune, Sean hit the back of a parked Deville.
I heard Sean's voice over the phone and I knew immediately that he had been in an accident. His voice trembled, I told him to call 911 and I'd be on my way.
Slush was found in my hair and down my neck. My scrubs were damp and the poor interior of the Sentra became a splash zone. I thought to myself, "somewhere, someone hates me."
My first car-love had been hit and both airbags were deployed. The tow-truck personnel said there was little to no hope of a full recovery. I was cold and wet and frustrated.
Needless to say, I felt like this...
And I started acting like Cruella De Vil. I was angry and blaming everyone else. If I wouldn't have been so stupid and sold the car last week, we wouldn't have been in this predicament. Sean was blamed for the accident. He got a ticket for "reckless driving in poor weather conditions." Why did God allow this to happen? I was just set apart as a temple ordinance worker, and this was the thanks I received? A totaled car and no way to get to the temple when Sean worked. Our lawn mower just broke, and the lawn looks like a jungle. We still have to register the Sentra and we owe money for taxes. Thoughts and steam circulated my mind as I shivered and pondered on all the repercussions of the accident.
In the mean while Sean looked like this.
I said, "you were just in an accident, look like it." ....so he gave me this.
He was faking it.
We immediately went to the Emergency Room to make sure Sean hadn't slipped a disc or fractured a rib. He joked with the nurses and smiled at every employee. I frowned, murmured, and cried. While Sean was away in radiology, my mother called me. She said, "Anne, what a wonderful blessing Sean is safe. So what if you lose a car? Or if you are further in debt? It is life. But you still have each other and no one is hurt." I knew she was right. Driving 60 miles an hour and hitting a parked car should have left Sean with abrasions. Not one bruise was found on his body. As she continued to speak her words of comfort, my mind flashed two memories.
1) During my summer break four years ago, I was hunting for a good car. Nothing seemed to be the right price. And nothing seemed to be dependable. Months of searching led me to nowhere. I only had one weekend left to purchase a car for nursing school before I was to return to BYUI. I found a car I wanted. It was perfect. In budget. Leather seats. Power windows. However, it had awful crash ratings. My mom wanted to check one more dealership before we made the plunge. There she was. Dimple. My very first car. She was 2,500$ over the budget, but my mom wanted me to be safe. Little did I know that four years down the road, it may have possibly saved my husband's life.
2) A parable I learned from BYUI immediately popped into my head.
"There was once a wise Chinese man who had one son, one horse, and one acre of ground on which he made his living. One day his son went out to feed the horse and left the gate open and the horse ran away. All of the man’s friends and neighbors came to him and said, “Oh that’s too bad. You’ve lost your only horse. How will you make your living?” The wise Chinese man just said “I don’t know if that’s bad or that’s good.” But they insisted it was bad. A few days later, the horse got thirsty and came back to the corral bringing 9 other wild horses with him. Now all his friends came over and said “Oh, isn’t that good. You’ve got 10 horses.” The wise Chinese man said “I don’t know if that’s bad or good.” And they insisted it was good.
A few days later, the wise Chinese man’s son went out to break one of the wild horses. In the process, the horsed reared up and came down, severely breaking the son’s leg. This time all the neighbors came over and said “Oh, that’s too bad. That’s your only son. What will you do?” And again the wise Chinese man said “I don’t know if that’s bad or good.” And they insisted it was bad.
A short time later, war broke out in the country. The government came through and gathered up all the able-bodied young men and marched them off to war where they were all killed."
What started out as a "bad circumstance" ended up saving a father's son. In reality, it is not for us to decide what is "good" and "bad." Instead we must have faith and trust that God has a plan. It makes me think of a song that says, "it's alright, it's alright, all-right. [He] moves in mysterious ways."
As the day progressed, things kept getting worse. We discovered for some reason, we weren't carriers of collision insurance. Geico was only going to pay off what we owed and not reimburse us for it's value. It meant at least another 1,500$ down the drain.
It is hard to stay positive. I don't know how all of this is going to end. But it was a crappy, slushy, and expensive day. And this week has been entirely one of the worst in awhile. I'm still not pregnant, lost a mound of money and a car, and I'm ever more depressed.
While complaining to my mom, she asked a profound question. "Anne, when something bad happens why do you always blame God?"
She was right. I do. My face was washed in tears and immediately I felt ashamed. Yes, the situation was unfair. However, I miraculously didn't have to go to work and Sean was safe. If anything, the situation may have been much worse. God had protected my husband.
Sean continued his cheery attitude. When we returned from the ER, Sean served me a hot breakfast in bed. He immediately made phone calls and returned to his responsibilities. I, on the other hand, was still acting like a spoiled little brat. While people across the nation and world were losing loved ones, and homes, I was complaining about some money and a car. So the bitter and frustrated me is not who I want to be. But I know God will continue to teach me to be the faithful women He knows I can be.
One quote sums up this post...
"Don't miss the donut by looking through the hole."
