Our Hero

While I was working Wednesday, I received a text from my mother saying that my aunt Shirley had slipped into a coma.  I was devastated.  My aunt had been battling cancer for over two years.  I thought she was invincible.  I believed that maybe this time, we'd have a cancer survivor in our family instead of another martyr.  I sat and cried at the nurse's station and composed myself to finish working.  I was especially angry when I admitted a patient who had seriously fried her brain with alcohol for thirty years of her life.  She was given the precious gift of health, and she abused it.  Yet there she was, in the hospital, dumb as a post due to intoxication.  Why?

Sean came to pick me up after work so we could go say goodbye one last time.

April 2009, my wedding day.  Shirley is on the far left.

July 2010, Aunt Shirley and Uncle Conway

My aunt Shirley was beautiful.  She laid in bed and had the common appearance of all my patients who are ready to die.  There was a certain peace and comfort in the room as I listened to my mom read her stories of miracles.  I sobbed and sobbed as I watched my aunt slowly slip away.  It wasn't fair.  Why did God do this to families?  My cousins were in the other room talking and telling stories.  Three daughters who were about to lose their mother.  I plunged into the couch next to the bed and sobbed some more.  She was so lively.  It seemed like yesterday that I watched her water fight with all her grandchildren at the family reunion.  Suddenly, my aunt opened her eyes and turned to look at me.  She saw me bawling and furrowed her brow.  Then she gave me a big smile and returned to her unconscious state.  It was almost as if she was saying to me, "Trish, why are you sad?  Be happy, my family will be with me again."  My mom asked me to leave the room and control my emotions.  But I couldn't.  I couldn't stop being angry at God.

That was the last time I saw Shirley alive.  The following morning I received the text declaring that she had passed at 10:35am. 

The Worsley family had temporarily lost their hero.  I mourn for the loss of my aunt, but above all, I mourn for the family.  I have some experience with losing a parent to cancer.  My father died of kidney cancer 11 years ago.  I remember the emptiness, the pain, and the anger that all came from his loss.  It felt like years before I could pleasantly remember him without longing for his hugs.  Even after eleven years I still miss him and cry.  These last days I have constantly thought and prayed for them as they endure one of the hardest trials known to man. 

I called into work sick that night and spent the entire evening with my mother.  This had been particularly hard on her because Shirley was her sister and best friend.  This was the second time she had watched, waited, and lost a best friend to cancer.  We watched Tangled and played games.  My mom shared some of her favorite memories of Shirley.  We all cried and hugged and Sean and I didn't leave until after midnight. 

On the way home from Shirley's house, an ironic song came on the radio.  "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed.

Well I just heard the news today

It seems my life is going to change

I close my eyes, begin to pray

Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open

Under the sunlight

Welcome to this place

I'll show you everything

With arms wide open

With arms wide open

I thought of a loving Heavenly Father waiting for Shirley to come into His arms.  I thought of my own father who was getting ready to show Shirley all the wonders of Heaven saying, "I'll show you everything."  And last of all, I thought of Jesus Christ who would encircle my Aunt "in the arms of His love." 

My aunt will never be forgotten.  She will be greatly missed.  However, she is now free from the sorrows and ills of this world.  She is free from pain.  And she will now be our family guardian angel.

My thoughts and emotions are all jumbled.  Therefore, I will end this post with a picture of a truck Sean and I saw on on the highway this morning.  When I saw the quote, I immediately thought "my aunt Shirley's motto, and she's still reminding me of it today."

Thank-you Shirley for teaching me some of the greatest lessons of life.  I love you.