Sean's Beautiful Letter to His Mom

Sean wrote this beautiful letter to his mom and he wanted to share it on our blog. We miss you mamma Gerber.

Dear Mom,

I missed you last night. Anne and I went to a local elementary trunk-or-treat. William was a darling little fireman. He did not understand at first, but caught on quick. He didn’t say, ”trick or treat” but he held out his bag and managed a few “thank you’s.” About halfway through he asked me to hold his bag because it was getting heavy. Anne was able to take some really cute pictures.

It was hard because we would have visited you afterwards. You would not have been home though. We would have enjoyed your cute Halloween stuff. You would have held, hugged, and cuddled with William. We would have discussed Makenna and Anne’s hard pregnancy. The hopes and dreams we have for our darling little girl and our handsome son.

You and I would have spoken about school and how this semester is going. I would have complained about some things and excited about others. You would have patiently listened and, when you felt necessary, correcting and encouraging me. I don’t know that I will ever enjoy Halloween as much as I did when I was with you.

After a while we would discuss the upcoming Disney trip. How Anne and I were determined to go next time. William still loves Mickey Mouse. I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and made a Mickey Mouse face for William; just like you used to do for me. He spotted it right away. He’s such a smart kid. I wish he would have been able to go with you. He would have loved it. Thank you for riding some of the extremely kiddy rides with me when we last went.

I miss seeing you playing and cuddling with William. You patiently letting him water your garden and make a mess in the kitchen. You didn’t care. You were happy to let your grandson be a child. You were happy that Anne and I were able to have kids. We are happy too. I sorrow because he will no longer have the chance to grow up with you.

I miss your hugs and your words of encouragement. I miss the fact that you loved me without stipulation or strings. You didn’t care about my mistakes, faults, and imperfections. You loved me simply because I was your son. That’s all that mattered to you. I still remember you whispering words of love and apologies in my ear when I told you of my hardest struggles as a teenager. That was the last time I saw your face and hugged you while you were alive. You loved me. You always had so much Christ-like love for me. And you always encouraged me to do the same for others.

Thank you for encouraging me to go to church and serve a mission. My greatest blessings and miracles have come from those two things.

Mom, I know you had to go, but I really miss you and wish you had not left. Even now when I say, “I Love You” when I think about you I still hear your reply of “Not as much as I Love You!”

Love,

Sean

My Little Makenna

Today I am 34 weeks pregnant. I have 6 weeks left and that almost seems unbearable. First of all because I am anxious to hold my sweet baby girl and secondly because I am exhausted. I am not necessarily enjoying the back spasms, leg cramps, acid reflux, and peeing every couple hours. But I am so grateful for the opportunity to bring another child into the world. I wrote William a letter when I was pregnant with him and I wanted to do the same for you.

My sweet, Makenna Anne Willardson,

You are beautiful. And you will always be beautiful. Don't you ever tell me otherwise! And don't you ever underestimate yourself because of your appearance. You are named after the two strongest people I know. Anne is your Grandma Major's middle name. She has been through Hell and back and back and back again. She has certainly had many trials in her life that debilitate many other people. But she has moved forward in her life with faith never wavering. She works hard and teaches children with disabilities. She shows them that they are capable of doing whatever they want to do. She knows that is possible because she grew-up in poverty. A time when women who wanted to go to college was laughable. But she borrowed money from her friend to apply to the U of U where she was accepted and finished her bachelors degree. She defied the odds because she had the strength to be unstoppable. There she met the other person who we are naming you after, my father, Kenneth Major.

You have probably had a chance to meet up with your sweet grandpa. I have missed him now for almost fifteen years when he died from a difficult battle to cancer. During his life, his family was everything to him. He loved his little girl, Patricia Anne. He spoiled her with surprise gifts and jewelry, built her a play house, and gave her the love of the world. I can now imagine how much he loved me, because I know how much I love you. He had a soft heart full of Christ-like love. He loved to give his little girl slobber kisses. I hope you escaped that yucky experience. But don't plan on escaping kisses from your parents!

There is another special woman that wasn't thrilled about her name. She begged us not to name our little girl after her, and so we kept that promise. But I want you to know about her legacy because she is your grandma Verna Lou Gerber. Your brother liked to call her "Grammer." She is your dad's mom and she is wonderful. I know you are probably spending time with her now. She had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. She had so much compassion for people and especially her family. She loved them more than life. She also loved spoiling her family with gifts. I guess your daddy will have to take her place and spoil his little girl. We really miss our "Grammer" Gerber. 

Makenna, your parents and grandparents don't necessarily want you to be just like them, they want you to become YOU! But take advice from them and know that the sky is not even the limit, and you are capable of much more than being looked at. You are beautiful no matter what color your hair, the shape of your body, or the texture of your skin. You are beautiful because you are Makenna Anne Willardson. And don't ever forget that.

I will not be the perfect mom, but I will do whatever it takes for you to have a good life. I never want you to doubt that you are loved, because you are very loved. My love grows deeper and deeper for you everyday. As I feel you move inside my womb, my heart is filled with joy. It is something that I hope you will get to experience one day. And then you will begin to know the love that I have for you. 

Stay healthy, my little one. I love you. 

Love, 

Your Mommy.