Sean's Beautiful Letter to His Mom

Sean wrote this beautiful letter to his mom and he wanted to share it on our blog. We miss you mamma Gerber.

Dear Mom,

I missed you last night. Anne and I went to a local elementary trunk-or-treat. William was a darling little fireman. He did not understand at first, but caught on quick. He didn’t say, ”trick or treat” but he held out his bag and managed a few “thank you’s.” About halfway through he asked me to hold his bag because it was getting heavy. Anne was able to take some really cute pictures.

It was hard because we would have visited you afterwards. You would not have been home though. We would have enjoyed your cute Halloween stuff. You would have held, hugged, and cuddled with William. We would have discussed Makenna and Anne’s hard pregnancy. The hopes and dreams we have for our darling little girl and our handsome son.

You and I would have spoken about school and how this semester is going. I would have complained about some things and excited about others. You would have patiently listened and, when you felt necessary, correcting and encouraging me. I don’t know that I will ever enjoy Halloween as much as I did when I was with you.

After a while we would discuss the upcoming Disney trip. How Anne and I were determined to go next time. William still loves Mickey Mouse. I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and made a Mickey Mouse face for William; just like you used to do for me. He spotted it right away. He’s such a smart kid. I wish he would have been able to go with you. He would have loved it. Thank you for riding some of the extremely kiddy rides with me when we last went.

I miss seeing you playing and cuddling with William. You patiently letting him water your garden and make a mess in the kitchen. You didn’t care. You were happy to let your grandson be a child. You were happy that Anne and I were able to have kids. We are happy too. I sorrow because he will no longer have the chance to grow up with you.

I miss your hugs and your words of encouragement. I miss the fact that you loved me without stipulation or strings. You didn’t care about my mistakes, faults, and imperfections. You loved me simply because I was your son. That’s all that mattered to you. I still remember you whispering words of love and apologies in my ear when I told you of my hardest struggles as a teenager. That was the last time I saw your face and hugged you while you were alive. You loved me. You always had so much Christ-like love for me. And you always encouraged me to do the same for others.

Thank you for encouraging me to go to church and serve a mission. My greatest blessings and miracles have come from those two things.

Mom, I know you had to go, but I really miss you and wish you had not left. Even now when I say, “I Love You” when I think about you I still hear your reply of “Not as much as I Love You!”

Love,

Sean

My Little Makenna

Today I am 34 weeks pregnant. I have 6 weeks left and that almost seems unbearable. First of all because I am anxious to hold my sweet baby girl and secondly because I am exhausted. I am not necessarily enjoying the back spasms, leg cramps, acid reflux, and peeing every couple hours. But I am so grateful for the opportunity to bring another child into the world. I wrote William a letter when I was pregnant with him and I wanted to do the same for you.

My sweet, Makenna Anne Willardson,

You are beautiful. And you will always be beautiful. Don't you ever tell me otherwise! And don't you ever underestimate yourself because of your appearance. You are named after the two strongest people I know. Anne is your Grandma Major's middle name. She has been through Hell and back and back and back again. She has certainly had many trials in her life that debilitate many other people. But she has moved forward in her life with faith never wavering. She works hard and teaches children with disabilities. She shows them that they are capable of doing whatever they want to do. She knows that is possible because she grew-up in poverty. A time when women who wanted to go to college was laughable. But she borrowed money from her friend to apply to the U of U where she was accepted and finished her bachelors degree. She defied the odds because she had the strength to be unstoppable. There she met the other person who we are naming you after, my father, Kenneth Major.

You have probably had a chance to meet up with your sweet grandpa. I have missed him now for almost fifteen years when he died from a difficult battle to cancer. During his life, his family was everything to him. He loved his little girl, Patricia Anne. He spoiled her with surprise gifts and jewelry, built her a play house, and gave her the love of the world. I can now imagine how much he loved me, because I know how much I love you. He had a soft heart full of Christ-like love. He loved to give his little girl slobber kisses. I hope you escaped that yucky experience. But don't plan on escaping kisses from your parents!

There is another special woman that wasn't thrilled about her name. She begged us not to name our little girl after her, and so we kept that promise. But I want you to know about her legacy because she is your grandma Verna Lou Gerber. Your brother liked to call her "Grammer." She is your dad's mom and she is wonderful. I know you are probably spending time with her now. She had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. She had so much compassion for people and especially her family. She loved them more than life. She also loved spoiling her family with gifts. I guess your daddy will have to take her place and spoil his little girl. We really miss our "Grammer" Gerber. 

Makenna, your parents and grandparents don't necessarily want you to be just like them, they want you to become YOU! But take advice from them and know that the sky is not even the limit, and you are capable of much more than being looked at. You are beautiful no matter what color your hair, the shape of your body, or the texture of your skin. You are beautiful because you are Makenna Anne Willardson. And don't ever forget that.

I will not be the perfect mom, but I will do whatever it takes for you to have a good life. I never want you to doubt that you are loved, because you are very loved. My love grows deeper and deeper for you everyday. As I feel you move inside my womb, my heart is filled with joy. It is something that I hope you will get to experience one day. And then you will begin to know the love that I have for you. 

Stay healthy, my little one. I love you. 

Love, 

Your Mommy.

2 years old!

We had a fantastic day celebrating William's birthday. I had to work the night before his birthday and slept most of the day. But that evening we let him open one present, his tricycle! It was love at first sight. He played with it until the sun went down. And when it was time for him to go inside, he was very upset and kept crying for his bike. On the day after, June 30th, William woke up and the first thing he wanted to do was "go outside, my bike." William and I ate breakfast together while Sean was at school. After that we cuddled in my bed watching William's favorite show, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. We got ready for the day and as William commanded, we played on his new bike. He doesn't know how too peddle, but he just uses his feet to push himself where he wants to go. Sean eventually got home and went to meet up with my cousin, Julie, at the Museum of Natural Curiosity. Sean put the new bike in the car to take with us to my moms and William went ballistic, "my bike! My bike!!!" He eventually calmed down after we told him he could ride it at grandma's house. 

When we got to the museum, William was mesmerized. We immediately went and played on the jungle gym where there was literally 3 stories of a play fortress. Funny thing to note, there was a toddler area and he was not impressed. He went straight to the big kid's play fortress. William climbed all around it. He found a slide that he love and I even managed to carry him up 2 flights of a rope course (16 weeks pregnant and he is 30+ pounds)! He enjoyed driving the small train and feeding the block monster. We then went to the cool water works area where William splashed and played until he was soaked and content. Sean had fun building the water ducts with William. At the end we took him to the ark where there was a swimming place and William didn't hesitate to jump right in the cold water. He screamed and cried when we had to leave. 

After the museum we went to my moms and had a BBQ. We gave her a cute little card announcing that she will be having a new granddaughter. We made a cool tractor cake for William. He loved it so much. After he blew out the candles, he only wanted to play with his tractors from the cake. He would not eat cake, and he would not open gifts. We finally forced him to open more presents where he found more cars and Legos etc. He was very happy. When we got home, all he wanted was to play with his tractors. It took us quite a while to get him in the bath and ready for bed. We read him his new book and he went to sleep with his tractors. I love him so much. It is so crazy that he is 2. My life wouldn't be complete without him. Happy birthday my sweet, sweet son, William. I love you always and forever. 

Peas in a Pod

I can hardly believe how big William is. When he is standing straight, he comes up to my belly! He is so cute and I am so proud of him. He has learned so much in the last year, it is crazy! He knows several words. We can ask him where something is in a book and he will point at the subject. He is also learning how to talk more. One funny thing is that he often ends his sentences referring to himself. Although I don't think he realizes that is what he is doing. For example he will say, "go bye-bye Weeam" (he doesn't quite know how to pronounce his name). He also loves to yell for mommy when he wants something. The other day he was sitting at the dinner table eating dinner. Sean and I had finished so we were sitting on the couch. He would stand tall on the kitchen chair and yell, "MOMMY! MOMMY! I WANT CHICKEN!" Even though he was eating something like a hot dog. We just laughed and said okay. Sean's mom died on April 28th, 2014. It was a very bad day. I will have to write about the details of that day later. But William put a smile on our faces when we were in the drive-in for In-and-Out Burger. William suddenly decided to tell us what he wanted for dinner. He randomly yelled emphatically from the back seat, "I WANT CHICKEN!" It made us have a little bit of laughter on a very difficult day. We decided that would have been a hilarious commercial for Chick-Fil-A. William's laughter is infectious. I love listening to him laugh. I can hardly believe it has been almost 2 years since he was born. Today he learned how to go down the big slide at the park going on his belly. He could also climb the difficult different obstacles with Sean keeping him safe. He loves Mickey Mouse and Curious George. In the mornings he doesn't really know what he wants so he just says, "I want to watch Mickey George."

I have been really sick recently due to pregnancy. Today I am 11 weeks and 2 days. Almost done with the first trimester. I took William with me to the doctor's office this week. I kept telling him if he would be good that we would go to the park. Unfortunately that backfired because he just kept asking over and over again if we could go to the park. The nurse saw my desperation and had the doctor come see me immediately. William sat on the chair as the doctor pulled out the doppler to listen to baby Willardson's heart beat. He didn't have any trouble finding it. The heart beat was like music to my ears. I got emotional as I heard that heart steady and strong. Immediately William shouted, "heart!" I laughed. I didn't know the doctor understood him but he did. He was shocked and said, "that is a smart 2-year-old. I replied, "he is not two yet, and his mother is a nurse." I was so proud of my little guy. He knew his baby sibling. I can't wait for them to meet.

We are trying to teach him about babies and that a baby is growing in mommy's tummy. We gave him a glow worm for his first birthday and recently we started telling him it was his baby. He loves his little baby and loves giving it kisses. Sometimes it is embarrassing because he gets a little bit carried away kissing the baby. I believe he has learned that from watching his parents.

William is very independent. He likes to do everything by himself. He also likes to copycat everything that we do. Whether it is brushing teeth, coughing, vacuuming, telling the dog to sit, or making dinner. He just likes to be just like us. I find this as an honor and also as a fear. I want him to be William. And parts of me are scared he will pick up on our bad habits. I'm trying to find the motivation to be a better mom. Since I have been so sick it has been hard on me to interact with William. I feel like I am becoming distant from him, especially from me working full-time. I am excited to take him with me to Bear Lake for several days next week were we can do some more bonding. I truly love him so much.

I can also hardly believe we are going to be having another child. It is frightening and a dream come true all at the same time. We got the amazing news this week that Sean got into the Accounting program. I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard for this, and has had to pull through his last semester during finals despite the loss of his mom. As for the baby, Sean and I are both kind of thinking it is a girl but we both don't want to get our hopes up. We honestly will be excited with whatever it is. We just want a healthy baby. I am terrified of having to go through the NICU experience again. I am just praying that all will go well with this child.

Pamela still hasn't given birth yet. She is overwhelmed and ready to go anytime. Her due date is on Sean's Birthday and Father's day. I am excited for her to welcome a little boy in her family. I also pray that everything will go well with her. Maddie and William are wonderful friends. They love playing and screaming together. Earlier this year at a family party, they would keep escaping together and we would find them hiding in various places of my mom's house, including in the crib in the play room and the downstairs bedroom closet. They are absolutely adorable together.

William has also loved his grandmas. He actually calls them grandmer. He loves to get treats from Grandmer Major during church. He also points at her house as we pass by and asks if he can go to grandmer's house. That reminds me, most of the time he is very proper and uses please and thank-you. He still struggles with temper tantrums but he is getting better. He favorite things to play with are balls and any sort of car or truck. He also loves playing with his big sister Fiona.

Until next time!

Anne Willardson
5/25/14

Where Are You?

When we officially turned Williams's crib into a toddler bed, it was a very special night. We had fun exploring William's new bed and we enjoyed watching him absolutely love it!

Then it was time for him to go to sleep. We tried doing our normal routine, placed him in his bed, and then left him in his room to fall asleep. But he immediately began screaming!  I felt like I could literally feel his tears seep through the door. We gave him some time hoping he'd adjust but he became more upset.

I couldn't wait any longer and I went to his rescue. He was standing right at the door with elephant tears soaking his football pj top. I picked him up and laid him back in his bed. I simply told him that I loved him. We snuggled and the cries turned to whimpers and the tears turned off. He was so precious and perfect. After about 10 minutes of silence, his eyes looked heavy. His eyelids would flutter than snap open and he would look directly at my face. He resisted and resisted until those beautiful brown eyes began losing the battle. Just as I thought he was asleep, he would stretch his small hand to my face and touch it. Other times he would grab my hand or stroke my hair. He wanted to make sure I was still there until eventually the exhaustion won. 

Only three hours later we heard a repeat of episode one. Once again, I entered the room to find William right at the door. This time he was defiant. He was not going to fall asleep and risk the chance of losing his Mommy. He sat there straight-up on his bed staring at me. His hands would occasionally rub his droopy eyes, but otherwise he would not take his eyes off of me. After some time he felt safe enough to lay down beside me. Just as before, he would stare at me, drift to sleep, wake-up, and touch my face. After many minutes of stillness, I thought he finally fell asleep. Just as I began to move away from him, he reached out, grabbed my shirt and pulled me close to him. He then adjusted his blanket over the both of us and went back to sleep.

At this moment I began to see a parallel. I thought about my relationship to God. If only in my darkest hours I could reach out and feel His hand. Or maybe if I'd just cry hard enough at the door, He would open it and come to comfort me. My sweet William began his rhythmic deep breaths. I could tell that he was nearly asleep. My thoughts jumped back to my Creator. Yes, why couldn't I just cry and He would come immediately? Well, it's because God can not just come open a door that doesn't physically exist. So does God physically exist? Where is God? 

My thoughts deepened: my son was curled up next to me and was comforted by my very presence. I didn't sing to him. I didn't talk to him. I didn't even touch him, but he felt comforted. At times when he was scared or anxious, he reached out to me. He took the initiative to feel my face and stroke my hair. And when he was left alone, he went to the door and cried out to his parents. He knew we were there.

God is our creator and our Father. Yet there have been times in my life where I have felt utterly alone. I felt abandoned by Him. Tears have drenched my pillow but God was not there to comfort me. Where was God?! During some of those relentless hours, I moaned and begged for His comfort. During the times I did not need Him, I never bothered to find Him. I never reached out to Him. Then at times of desperation I felt like He was nowhere to be found and that was my proof that God must not exist.

With that feeling, I went to other sources to reconcile my pain looking for answers. When that failed, I would dull the ache by wasting my time with apps or the media. And repeatedly a question would linger in my thoughts, "If God cared about me in my darkest hours, than where was He now?!" And what about all the evils in the world? The torture, abuse, natural disasters, murder, and gut-wrenching pain? Where is He?

Habitually, every Sunday I go to church. Honestly, sometimes I don't know why I'm there. Honestly, sometimes I struggle with my faith. One day I overheard a conversation between a man and our bishop. This man was scruffy and dirty. He simply asked the bishop for food. The bishop began to inquire more information about him. "Why don't you come to church?"

The scruffy man talked at a million miles a minute, "I just don't have time. I am starting a new job, and there is a bunch of stuff I got to do. My motorcycle needs repairs and my friend is moving in with me and I got to help him..."

The bishop offered him some scriptures to read on his own time. Mr. Scruffy replied, "I told you, I don't have time for that so it's pointless to give it to me. Give it to someone that could actually use it. I just need some food."  (This gave me a deeper meaning to John 6:35)

I almost could see Scruffy slapping God's face, "I need your blessings but I don't have time for you."

That moment stung me. I realized that I have fallen into the same category of irony. And then I wondered if sometimes God asks us that same question, "my child, where are you?"

There is a very strong innate ability for me to run to my son's rescue. It literally pains me to see my child hurt. I realized that this must be the same with God. However, His ability to reach us is limited. But, if we meet Him at the door, He has promised us that if we knock (Matthew 7:7), the door will open. Unlike the comfort William gets from his earthly parents, our Heavenly Parents will not physically appear at the door. But that does not mean they do not exist.

Next time I ask, "where is God?" Instead I will say, "am I waiting for Him or am I seeking Him first?" How can I know where God is if I do not look for Him?

There is one problem with the conclusion of this post. I have not been able to identify where God is. But that truly is the irony of God. Because He exists in ALL of us. He is there for William through me and Sean. He is there for me though Sean and my mom etc. We are all His children and He lives in each of us. Just as William will always have a part of me, we will always carry a part of God. He is in what He created: the rainbows, beaches, forests, and mountains etc. His creations are literal representations of Him. And with this evidence, that includes our miraculous bodies, we find that when we truly seek Him, He is everywhere. And as we realize the reality of His existence and love, we can learn about Him in the scriptures, through prayer, through service and especially through being parents.

Like a child, I am working toward that perfect faith in God. There are times in my life where I have lost my faith in God. But it was at those times that I was truly in my darkest hours. He wasn't there, because I would not let Him in. I hope to never close my heart again and dedicate my life to knowing my God and my Creator.

Why?

A couple nights ago, I woke up hearing William cry, "Mommy!" Not wanting Sean to wake up, I rushed in the room to see my sad and sick boy awaiting for my arrival. He was standing in the corner of his crib with his arms outstretched ready for me to save him from his anguish. I immediately welcomed him in my arms and held him close. I couldn't cure him from his cough and cold, but I gave him some Tylenol to make him more comfortable and sang to him as he drifted off to sleep in my arms.

At this perfect moment I began pondering about life. My son sleeps in a dark room, in a crib, with the door shut, and across the hall from his parents. We can only hear him through the baby monitor, but he can't hear us. He can't see us. He can't feel us. However, he had faith we were there. He believed I would listen. And he knew I would come to comfort him when he called for me. Even though he couldn't see or hear me, he still asked for his "mommy." Then he acted on that faith as he stood in the corner of the crib with his arms outreached ready for me to hold him.  

It occurred to me that perhaps this is similar to the relationship we have with our Heavenly Parents. We can't see them, or hear them, and they are not physically with us on earth. But we can talk to them and we can cry out to them and they hear us. They love us so much. They can't take away the sickness or pain we feel, but they will dull the ache with their everlasting love. They can't stop our anguish, but they comfort us when we are in need of comfort. 

What if we ALWAYS had the faith like a child who KNOWS and trusts in his parents? How much more would we be comforted? What would we learn? How would we live? Now it makes sense to me why Jesus would ask us to become like a child. 

There is something that is very different between these comparisons. William sees his parents in the flesh. He feels our touch. He hears our words. We don't get that exact same luxury with our Heavenly Parents. We have to use more faith and patience.

Most of the time I find my faith like a broken record. I always keep going back to the basics. I believe in a God and in His son, Jesus Christ. I believe He died and lives for us that we may be saved and comforted throughout this ugly frail existence. But sometimes everything else skips and blurs. Doubts fill my head. Questions go unanswered. And the more I see our wicked world, it is hard for me to have that faith, like a child, in my Heavenly Parents. 

Perhaps the biggest question I find myself asking is, "why?!" 

"Why" is a word we learn very young to seek understanding and make sense of basically anything. I have a thousand questions I want answered. Many having to do with my beliefs in my church and the tragedies that happen in life. 

Perhaps the key to finding joy in life isn't to get an answer to every "why?"  

President Thomas S. Monson said something this last conference, 

"When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to ask the question “Why me?” At times there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, no sunrise to end the night’s darkness. We feel encompassed by the disappointment of shattered dreams and the despair of vanished hopes...We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We become impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required." (2013 October General Conference, “I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee”, Sun. Morning Session - By  Thomas S. Monson).

Perhaps the key IS having patience. Patience is defined in the English dictionary as, "the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset." 

In our day, people inconsiderately honk at the car in front because they aren't driving fast enough. People will go into debt because they just can't wait for the newest iPhone or other products.We have teenage and unwed pregnancy and abortions on the rise because pleasure was more important than patience. Children grow-up in broken homes with broken families because parents find something more important like a new fling or that rush from a shot of alcohol or another substance. People bustle about in their lives finding ways to save time, make things faster, or better, and it all stems from impatience. So it makes sense to me why God has become so unpopular. People ask, "why waste time on some old school philosophy?" Questions to God can't be typed in a google space with an immediate return of thousands of answers. God doesn't send personal emails or texts to each of us. There is nothing about a "speedy delivery" system when it comes to revelation. So the majority of the human race chooses google over God, and they claim they have all the answers they need. 

Joseph B. Wirthlin wrote similar thoughts in the year I was born, "A certain amount of impatience may be useful to stimulate and motivate us to action. However, I believe that a lack of patience is a major cause of the difficulties and unhappiness in the world today. Too often, we are impatient with ourselves, with our family members and friends, and even with the Lord. We seem to demand what we want right now, regardless of whether we have earned it, whether it would be good for us, or whether it is right. Some seek immediate gratification or numbing of every impulse by turning to alcohol and drugs, while others seek instant material wealth by questionable investments or by dishonesty, with little or no regard for the consequences. Perhaps the practice of patience is more difficult, yet more necessary, now than at any previous time."

(Patience, a Key to Happiness, April 1987) 

In the case of these impatient people who reject God, I ask "why"? Why do you do the things you do? What is your purpose here? Why are those extra five minutes on the freeway so important to you? What will happen to you after you die? Why do anything or become anyone if in the end you just become a pile of bones in a hole? Why? Why? Why?

We do not always need to know the answers NOW! There is wisdom that comes with patience and enduring. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than his. Either way we are questioning the reality of God’s omniscience” (Ensign, Oct. 1980, p. 28).

I can't answer all the "why's" that people ask me or that I ask myself. But patience is beautiful and in time I will know the truth of all things. 

I don't understand much of anything. But I do know that "why" does not always lead to peace and happiness. "Why" is a powerful word, and it should be used to build and improve our lives. It should not be used to break down and destroy patience. 

I know that I have Heavenly Parents that love me. They long to take away all my burdens just as I long to keep William pain-free. But I can not blame the "why's" of the world on Them because they are simply at a distance. With time and patience, I will receive one clear answer to my question, instead of having to sift through thousands of google answers. 

William won't remember the nights he called for his mommy and the tenderness and love I had for him. He won't remember being wrapped up, cuddled, and comforted. But it doesn't mean that it didn't happen. As he grows he will forget these moments and allow doubt to enter his world. He will begin to question the actions of his parents like so many teens do. He will begin to learn all the different theories of life and he will not remember that perfect moment that he slept safely in his mother's arms. 

There have been moments in my life when I have felt the same peace and comfort from my Heavenly Parents. I do not always remember them, but it doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It is foolish of me to forget those moments just because I have an empty answer to a "why."

Oh if I could always have the faith of a child who didn't doubt his Heavenly Parents. Who patiently awaits for the comfort they can and will bring in times of trial. If I had that faith and patience, I would find peace as my sweet William did in my arms. That night as my thoughts were coming to an end, William began smiling and laughing in his sleep. My sweet son was comforted in his parent's arms, and at that moment, so was I.

It IS the Best of Times

We have absolutely love being parents! Everything about parenting has been such a joy and adventure. Well, perhaps not always a joy but certainly an adventure. William began walking at 8 and a half months and his mental and physical development have continued to wow me and Sean. He is developmentally more close to the age of 18 months. He says several words and even says small sentences, "go bye-bye." And also "no, don't". He can follow simple commands such as, "put that back in the garbage." He also comes when we call for him (I promise we treat our dog like our child, so treating our child like a dog isn't so bad...right?). He loves to grab a book and bring it to us saying enthusiastically "book!" and he makes a strong pronunciation of the k.

He climbs up anything and everything. He loves going to the park and at just 14 months old, he could go up the play gym steps, across the bouncy bridge, up some more steps, and then would sit down and go down the big slide all by himself.

 He also absolutely loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Every morning at 9:00AM he runs to the TV as        M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E begins. The other morning I had the Netflix screen on the TV with multiple pictures of different shows and William walked straight up to the TV and pointed to Mickey Mouse. I wondered if it was just chance, so I moved Mickey to another part of the TV and he found the picture again and pointed to it. He sure loves Mickey. This morning the TV wasn't on so he found the remote and tried to turn it on himself. He also loves to talk on the phone or on the vacuum extension part or anything that fits a phone's description. He knows how to plug and unplug just about anything. His vocabulary is rapidly expanding but he still says "mommy" when he is upset. Although our house looks like it has indoor weather patterns (such as twisters and raindrops from sippy cups or downpours from the water dispenser from the fridge), we wouldn't trade our guy for anything. 

Sean and I have enjoyed spending more time together since he has been home as a stay-at-home parent. School is going extremely well for him since he has been able to focus more on studying. We are hopeful that he will graduate Spring of 2015. After graduation, 2 more semesters for his MACC (Masters of Accounting) and then I hope to return to school to become a Nurse Practitioner. 

In the meanwhile we are hoping to begin our infertility journey #2. We have been unsuccessful with pregnancy the last year and so we decided to try medication again. When I am sick of seeing negative pregnancy tests, we will reopen our adoption file at LDS family services. It is amazing how Heavenly Father can heal a heart. We have been much more hopeful and at peace with our infertility. I know William is one in a million, but we have faith that we can have another one miracle (that includes through adoption). 

I am so grateful for the examples I have in my life. Two weeks ago, I was able to go with my sister and her spouse to take my niece up to BYU-Idaho for her first semester of college. My sweet sister, Rachelle, was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I watched as she and her sweet husband, Paul, lovingly cared for their oldest child. I enjoyed how after more than 20 years of marriage, the respect and love they had for each other was astounding. I look up to them in so many different ways. 

Love these girls!

My Nursing Class Picture hanging in the halls at BYU-Idaho!

Sadie's new college room!

The bridge between the library and MC! Look at the new landscaping!

Cute family!

Saw this onesie at BYU-Idaho. Hahaha. I hope to buy one for our next baby.

I also had the privilege of hanging out with my best friend, Aimee Smoot Perkins. She lives in Idaho Falls and randomly texted me while I was in Rexburg. I called her and told her where I was and she came and picked me up to take me back to her apartment. We had a blast. I never get over how we won't talk or see each other for months, yet our friendship never dies. We always just pick up where we left off. I loved seeing her in her home with her children and enjoyed her company as I just accompanied her family from one event to the next including a dinner with the Elders Quorum presidency (and their families) and her girl's night. It was oddly hard to say good-bye. I wished we lived closer. 

We spent the second night with my aunt Carol in Pocatello, Idaho. I enjoyed many great flashbacks of memories while visiting with her in her home. We arrived past 10PM and as soon as we walked in the door, Carol asked if we were hungry. We were very hungry. All the sudden she had a full buffet on the kitchen table, including cut veggies, fruit, cheese, meat and all the fixings for a yummy sandwich. And sitting on the side of the table was a loaf of gluten-free bread. I grinned from ear to ear. I haven't visited in over 2 years, yet she remembered. And then she pulled out a carton of almond milk. I just laughed. She remembered my allergies and had gone shopping even though she didn't know we were coming until the day before. I just loved feeling the Spirit in her home. Below is a picture of the mirror in her bathroom. I love the quotes she reads and lives daily. 

Me and aunt Carol

William was so exhausted from our vacation that he tripped on Paul's foot and landed on the floor next to the garbage with his blanket. He decided he was so comfy there, he was just going to stay right where he was. He slept a good portion of the way back to Utah. 

It was an awesome vacation! 

Pamela and John came over Friday to our ward party and then stopped by at our house for a game night. We turned on Micky Mouse for the kids and enjoyed playing a game of Catan. We found Madelyn and William talking to one another. At one point William was crying and Maddie said, "It's okay Weeiam, don't cry." It was so cute!

Maddie resting her head on the shoulder of her best bud.

Before they left I was telling Pamela a story about Madelyn and Pamela pointed to her and said, "that's my little girl." Without hesitation Maddie pointed back and said, "and that's my mommy!" I absolutely love the time I get to spend with the Colby Clan. I am so grateful that they live close enough for us to spend time together all the time.

I also got the joy of going to the General Relief Society Meeting at the Conference Center with my mom, mys sisters, and my two aunts. I didn't get a picture, but my aunt Carol did so I'm hoping to get a hold of it one day. We had a blast going to Olive Garden and laughing over dinner. I admire those women more then they will ever ever know. Conference was amazing and I cried as the choir of Sister Missionaries sang "As Sisters In Zion." There is something about sitting in a place with thousands of women and feeling their love for each other and of God. I didn't want to leave.

Our journey as a married couple has had many great adventures. Our journey has also had many disappointments, heartaches, and hard work, but we continue move forward with faith and joy!

Well, that is about it. Life is good.